Caring for a new mom is important too by Jessica Shapley When my first daughter was born, the amazement, joy, fear and self doubt (of my abilities) were overwhelming. I suffered with all sort of lactation issues, extreme sleep deprivation and depression. I did not know or understand how universal many of these feelings were. I was fortunate to have a support system, my husband and family. With their support I also hired a postpartum doula. A doula is someone who “mothers the mother.” She helped prep food, went to the grocery, helped me with the nursing, held my baby if I slept, took care of my baby if I had a doctor’s appointment and was a great emotional support. I remember feeling shame in asking for help. I feared that if I asked for help, I would get too used to it. The sleep deprivation, of course, added to this skewed perspective, especially in the early days and months of my new role as a mom. Some of the precious morsels of help and encouragement came from my doula and from my lactation consultant who reminded me that feeding the baby was most important and that I was in fact doing that. Help came from a lot of places. “Sometimes babies just cry, they don’t have other ways to communicate,” reminded a friend. Another big one was my pediatrician, who never made me feel like I was bugging her. Breathing, practicing surrender and realizing I could only be in “the moment” helped. I had a high need baby, so her best days were mine. The days we both slept more were of course better. But far and above, the greatest help to me was joining a moms’ group. This saved me. I finally did not feel so isolated. Seeing other babies cry, or pull off there mom while nursing, or not sleeping made me realize I was not an anomaly, nor was my child. I craved my weekly groups and the women I connected with at that time. We are still connected, as are our children, nine years later. While each stage of our child’s development is different, it is the early stages when motherhood is so foreign that creating a network of support makes such a difference. Northern Manhattan has a growing number of programs and services for new families. The following is a short list of resources: Doula Care 212-749-6613 Lactation Consultant: Mona Gabbay, MD, IBCLC 914-632-7999 Q & A site: thebreastfeedingdoctor.com Bev Solow (also runs local group) 212-567-1112 New Mother's Support Group Jessica Shapley LMSW (author) momsupport.org 212-781-6368 Sleep Consultation: Jessica Shapley, LMSW (author) momsupport.org
Lactation Support Group http://www.lllusa.org/NYE/Manhattan/manhattan.HTM or call 212-595-1627 http://www.breastfeeding.com/directory/states/newyork.html depressionafterdelivery.com http://postpartum.net/ Jessica Shapley (www.momsupport.org) is a licensed social worker and mother of two. Her private practice includes new mother support groups in Washington Heights and around New York City. She provides individual appointments for individuals and couples. She also moderates the Washington Heights yahoo group. Email
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